From The Heart Of Pastors

Having lived the majority of my life in the home of pastors, I have seen the need for Pastors to share, as well as others to better understand our hearts and lives. I grew up as a pastor's kid (PK) and after graduating Bible College my husband and I took our first church when I was quite young. Come on in, make yourself comfortable, may the Lord bless and comfort you during this time (and always).

Thursday, May 26, 2016


  copyright(c)2016 Daneille Gray Snowden
Art by Rev. Paul F. Gray - Retired Pastor of over 50 years in the ministry.


The first time I saw this banner my own father drew many years ago, my heart sunk into my stomach. My husband, Brad and I were just starting the Pastorate ministry. I had grown-up in a Pastor's home, and saw this ugliness hurt my parents deeply.

Yet, their response was why I, even today could continue doing what we do in the ministry. Droves of people leave churches, pastors quit because of an ugly weapon called the 'TONGUE'.

Being we all are human, all kinds of emotions fill our bleeding hearts. It's how we entertain those emotions that is vital to healing and then victory.

Sins of Flesh arise over and over again in every home all across the globe; including the House of God. The 'great-ideal' would be- the individuals that battle this babbling tongue that strikes 'deep-pain'; could have teachable/pliable hearts and the Holy Spirit then will contain the HEART...thus the tongue would be tamed.

Yet, this does not happen quite enough does it. My own husband [Pastor Brad Snowden] and also my father [Rev. Paul Gray]; taught me a long time ago (when dealing with those who do spread gossip/lies about us and our church), is that we must first and foremost pray for them. Thus, not say a word, until it is 'for-sure' COVERED by the our own minds, spirit and hearts. Thus, our response - if there is one; will be that of the Spirit and not the flesh.

Secondly, when we do have to approach this matter - we do so tenderly and cautiously using the Wisdom from God's Word to guide us. Just recall our own Lord, when He said;

"But I say to you, do not resist an evil person [who insults you or violates your rights]; but whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other toward him also [simply ignore insignificant insults or trivial losses and do not bother to retaliate—maintain your dignity, your self-respect, your poise]." Matt. 5:38-40

Thirdly, in dealing with the injury when this happens: The 'episode' can be a few minutes, and sometimes years irregardless ; there is injury isn't there? It's that deep wound that makes your heart sick.
1) That is the grieving of the Holy Spirit. It was never the Lord's Will for His Children to divide- but be One.
2) The fruits of the spirit were spoiled in this situation.
3) Grieving the loss of a brother/sister (spiritual) friendship-hurts.
4) There is nothing we can do about it. For it  happened, and come to realizing that we cannot control what comes out of the mouth of others.

One of my 'issues' is that I am a mother in many ways. I want to lovingly nurture and teach my 'children' to get along, forgive and move forward [meaning in the church]. BUT... it doesn't jive when the SIN OF FLESH, PRIDE, LIES & GOSSIP come forth.

A question by many pastors and their wives I get is; "What do we do about the constant lies that continue and even those who so choose to believe them?"
First of all, I don't have a perfect answer, for every situation is different. Yet, realizing this: it all does come from ONE PLACE (doesn't it)!
"You are of your father the devil, and it is your will to practice the desires [which are characteristic] of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks what it natural to him, for he is a liar and the father of lies and half-truths." Jn. 8:44 
Thus, we approach this as 'SPIRITUAL WARFARE' -- fast and pray. Ask others to pray, even without giving details (so you don't fall prey to the gossip as well).  I guarantee; in an amazing way and perfect time --- your heart/spirit will be healed. I have faced this over and over again being in the ministry my entire life; yet -
"I've never seen the righteous forsaken..." Ps. 37:25
By Artist Maureen Dean Order
here. [click her name]
Next, we have to surrender it into the Hands of our Lord...all the words, lies and definitely the hurt. This can be instant, an all nighter prayer meeting (smile), or day-by-day. It has been all three for me. Once it is healed (although the junk may be still spreading around) - I am covered, with my spirit lightened! 
It's true! I shake my head in bewilderment, knowing my own tendencies - and feel God has it all. Thus, I am able to 'HOLD MY HEAD HIGH'; no matter what is said and done. PtL!

Then, there are the 'meetings'. Yes, unfortunately; the 'official' meeting of the dispute does come at least 50% or less of the time. I rather go to a dentist...I hate 'conflict'- don't you? Who likes it? Well, unfortunately there are ones who embellish it. [SAD] How to?
1) Witnesses...get witnesses; your church leadership. Godly people about 3 to 5. 
2) Openness...hide nothing.  
3) Your leadership over you. In our case, a presbyter. This is if it hasn't been resolved. This is RARE.
4) Leave the meeting with a peaceful salutation. No matter how it ends. 
5) Some do not let it go...they want their way. If their way does NOT happen at this meeting; they will want then another meeting. [A tormenting spirit; that wants control.]  END IT!  You have done all you can on your part. 
* Prayer  *Openness  *Communicated  *Brought witnesses in  *Leadership was brought in.
6) Move on - be an excellent example to the flock & your family of God's Powerful Love.

I truly believe: "All things work together for good, to them that LOVE God, and to them Who are THE CALLED according to HIS purpose." Rom. 8:28

May the Lord bless, strengthen and continue to anoint you as you GO FORWARD-- ministering for Him.

If you need to talk, prayer just write me and I will be 'in-touch'!

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